You may be Canadian...

by BRIAN LOCKHART

I think it's time to throw a little humour into this season which we will again celebrate for the second time under a cloud of restrictions and uncertainty.

If you're a born and bred Canadian, you know we all have some quirks that go along with growing up in the Great White North.

I used to work with a guy who wore cargo shorts every single day of the year. Even in the middle of winter he would show up for his shift wearing a heavy coat and shorts. Now that is a Canadian quirk.

You probably have at least one neighbour, maybe more, who has a snowmobile parked on a trailer at the side of the house or in the garage, and is praying for a heavy snowfall.

And most likely you know someone that will sit in a tent and fish through a hole in the ice in middle of January.

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy visited Canada recently to do a show at the casino in Windsor.

You may remember him as the comedian with the tag-line, “You might be a redneck...”

His observations go something like: “If you have two recliners AND a refrigerator on your front porch, you might be a redneck.”

Mr. Foxworthy certainly did his homework before his visit to Windsor. I'm pretty sure he had some inside advice from north of the border when putting his show together because he really nailed a lot of what it is about to be a Canadian. 

Here are some of his observations of what being Canadian is all about.

I'm pretty sure if you go down the list, you will or have found yourself in most if not all of these situations.

Here's what it means to be a Canadian:

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Canada.

If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend, you may live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada.

If you have switched from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada.

If you can drive 90 km/hr through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada.

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km - you're going 95 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada.

If you know all four seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you may live in Canada.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada.

If you find -2 degrees “a little chilly”, you may live in Canada.

I would like to add a few more observations.

If you change your summer and winter tires more often than you change your car's oil, you may live in Canada.

If you put vinegar on your French fries, you may live in Canada.

If your neighbours tap their maple trees in spring, you may live in Canada.

If yelling “car!” during a road hockey game is normal, you may live in Canada.

If you have a hockey goalie net readily available in your garage, you may live in Canada.

If you order a double-double at a coffee shop, you may live in Canada.

If you've ever cursed the snow plow for filling in the end of your driveway after you've just spent two hours shovelling, you may live in Canada.

If you're Canadian, you can probably identify with most if not all of the above observations.

I guess that's just what makes us members of the Great White North.