Meet my good friends S&S

Written by SHERALYN ROMAN

This edition of my weekly column is brought to you by the power of my good friends, the infamous twins Scepticism and Sarcasm. Some people feel sarcasm is “the lowest form of wit.” I believe that quote can be attributed to Oscar Wilde but many don't seem to know the rest, “but the highest form of intelligence.” I admire Wilde greatly and like to think I possess the latter! 

Armed with my scepticism and sarcasm, I decided to create my very own Letterman style Top Ten List of things about which I am feeling either sceptical or sarcastic. I'll leave the determination to you dear reader.

#10 David Letterman: Did you see David Letterman on the Emmy's this past weekend? His “Top Ten” lists used to be kind of funny. Now? Not so much. Neither was his beard. 

#9 Donald Trump: Is anyone out there still sceptical about this man or can we all just agree that he is 100 percent a sociopath bent on the destruction of what was once known as one of the foremost free countries in the world. If you are not still sceptical and believe him when he makes claims about COVID-19 one day “disappearing,” or believe that he didn't hide the truth about the magnitude of its impact even though he is recorded as admitting he downplayed the truth, go ahead and remove your mask. You don't believe you need it anyway right? 

#8 Justice will be Served: We were certainly not surprised to read that Brady Robertson – who killed four innocent people in a horrific crash just weeks ago – was further charged with impaired (by drugs) operation of a motor vehicle causing death. It's too bad that despite the vigilant work of the arresting officers, there is little chance that he will serve anywhere near the amount of time in jail that their crime demands. Our justice system offers no justice to victims and no punishment to perpetrators. I shudder to think of the impact that COVID-19 will have on sentencing in the future. 

#7 Gatherings will be reduced: Except in schools. Where it's ok to gather. In large groups of 20 or more. It's ok because apparently, in schools where large gatherings of 20+ kids exist in classrooms every day, it's impossible for COVID-19 to spread.

#6 Again, gatherings will be reduced: Except in “organized settings.” Where it's ok to gather. Provided you are in Church, or a restaurant, or a banquet hall because apparently, like schools, in these settings it's impossible for COVID-19 to spread.

#5 Gatherings will be prohibited: In some spaces, specifically where some seniors live. Because seniors cannot be relied upon to safely monitor themselves or maintain 6 feet of distance, wear a mask or otherwise take precautionary measures to keep themselves safe. Because of course, as seniors, they're not afraid of catching this deadly virus and of course, as seniors, their mental health, if forced to spend an entire winter in isolation, doesn't matter. They're only seniors after all.

#4 Arrows don't actually point you in the right direction: It has recently come to my attention that arrows, as directional cues, are actually just “suggestions.” They are mere “guidelines,” directional cues that stores would like to gently suggest customers use to help maintain social distancing but which can be ignored, at any time, by anyone – primarily those who are clueless or of course visually impaired. For one group there is no help and for the other, we should be doing much more to support them through this pandemic. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. 

#3 Universities deserve more money: There is no doubt in my mind that universities deserve more money and this has never been more apparent than now. My own, and so many young adults of my acquaintance, are currently attending U of B, the University of Bedroom at home. It makes perfect sense then, that Universities not hosting any students onsite and not incurring massive expenses related to hosting students onsite, should still be charging FULL price for the privilege of online learning. 

#2 Facebook will continue to provide fodder for fools: I won't deny it I'm a regular on Facebook. Does that make me a fool? Probably. There are certainly better ways to spend my time, although I console myself, saying that I'm also an avid reader, walker and volunteer in the community—so Facebook remains a guilty pleasure. What Facebook isn't for me is a source of credible news. Sadly – that appears not to be the case for so, so many others. I really feel like next week's column should be a lesson on how to discern truth from FAKE NEWS – and not Donald Trump's version of it!

#1 “It's Not My Kid” Syndrome: When clampdown was lifted, many parks, playgrounds and basketball courts experienced an immediate surge in user activity. Young children on the swings and monkey bars, older kids congregating on the courts and even a mixture of both teenagers and young adults “using” the various facilities a little later in the evening. Never mind the COVID risks, I'm not sure about your neighbourhood but in mine there was certainly also a concurrent rise in the amount of refuse left behind. Not surprisingly there was a rise in complaints about said refuse and “those nasty kids who refuse to pick it up.” Garbage and recycling left behind for others to deal with makes me just as angry as the next person but what makes me angrier? The number of folks who insist that garbage is being left behind by kids from “outside” the community. NIMBY has been replaced by INMK. It's not as catchy a moniker and I've got bad news for you folks – it's not true either – unless I somehow missed the memo that Caledon kids don't litter.

That's it. That's my list. Am I full of scepticism, sarcasm or both? You decide. Thanks for reading